//mindlessness

Why do I crave isolation and despise it at the same time? I’m so fucking lonely these days. I’ve done this to myself though. I made me this way. I dove headfirst into the introversion and the cynicism and it’s too late for me now. I’ve been trying my hardest to claw my way back into some sort of normalcy but it’s useless. I’m not made for this world. I’m not made for human connection. I don’t get people, and they don’t get me. It all just makes me want to slip away once and for all. I’ve got enough on hand to do the trick, the prescriptions just keep multiplying. I wish I could do it. I wish I wasn’t so cowardly. I wish there wasn’t so much holding me here, binding me to this life. I wish it wouldn’t hurt people.

But it would. So I guess I’m just fantasizing. Fuck human existence, I wanna be dust again.

I had this crush back in highschool, though I couldn’t admit it.

Small town bullshit and judgement held me in a tight grip.

I kept our friendship a secret, tried distracting myself

With a boy I didn’t love who was bad for my health.

I got matching tattoos with the girl of my dreams,

Wish I had known myself better when we met at fifteen.

Wanted to tell her so badly, instead I kept it all buried.

And now the ink has all faded, and she’s getting married.

There’s this girl I thought I loved back in like 2018,

She had me wrapped around her finger like a promise ring.

I held her close through her heartbreaks, kept my love in disguise,

But she’s got better friends now, and I’m left with all these cut ties.

The only friend I have left said she’s moving out of the city.

We don’t hang out anymore but it still made me feel shitty.

Whenever I needed someone she was who I would dial.

Fuck, losing this one is gonna hurt for a while.

They say that keeping in touch is a two way street.

That the people who matter would make an effort for me.

But the moment I chose to stop begging for their time,

Was the moment I faded from all of their minds.

So is it better this way?

Thought this was supposed to be freeing.

I tried to sift through the fakes,

I guess they all shared that same feeling.

Now I’m stuck here, free floating, sinking into the black,

Devoid of any fucking semblance of who I was way back.

I’ve lost so many people and it all feels like my fault.

And my soul’s been broken down by my brain’s vicious assault.

Unrequited.

I guess I should be used to it by now.

Living in a constant state of 🫠

cuddlingafterroughsex:

dollfacesins:

romance ??? AND disgusting sex ????

that’s the dream

(via imsodrtybxbe)

latenights:

The goal is to laugh forever with someone you take seriously.

(via fucking-positive)

tawbah:

growth is sometimes a lonely process

(via fucking-positive)